frustration...

Im so tired of waiting... and being told that it will happen in time. i understand i am being impatient but i have a right to be after 2 and a half years of trying to get pregnant dont you think? i am not going to lie... im EXTREMELY jealous of my friends that are pregnant though i truly am happy for them.

I have just been so discouraged lately especially after i got a FALSE positive


Eddie and i both thought this was for sure it! i tried really hard to not believe it but i let myself fall for it. Eddie was so excited and it broke my heart when we were told that we werent pregnant. I balled and i feel like i just gave up emotionally. i just have this overwhelming feeling in my gut that its just not going to happen for me. i keep telling myself that i just have to come to terms with it. i just dont understand why me. thats the million dollar question of course because i know im not the only one going through this but still... i never thought in a million years that it would be this hard to conceive at my age. I guess it doesnt help that i sit here and watch baby shows on tv and look at baby furniture and what not. I just want this so bad. I WANT to feel the nausea and all the aches of pregnancy (as crazy as that sounds). I want more than anything to feel a baby kick. I want to feel the pain of giving birth. I want to not have any sleep because of a baby. I want most of all to be a mother.

I just need to get that dream out of my head and just come to terms with the fact that its not going to happen for me. at least eddie already knows what its like to be a father. a great one at that. he is lucky.


im just so tired of it all. I give up


PLEASE DONT COMMENT TELLING ME HOW I HAVE TIME OR IM TOO YOUNG TO BE WORRYING ABOUT IT OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. ITS REALLY ANNOYING =)